Monday, April 9, 2012

Day 15 - Recovery Challenge

Post a picture of you before you ever developed an eating disorder. What emotions were you feeling in this picture? Describe your picture.

 This was Spring Break 2011. I was on a Royal Caribbean cruise with my family. My mom and I went to the beach together. We were eating lunch. I don't remember exactly what I got to eat, but it looks like watermelon and a piece of chocolate cake were left on my plate. Of course, I know I ate a lot more than that before this picture was taken. I chose this picture because I know I didn't have any sort of eating disorder at this time.
I was going to pick a picture from my trip to Wyoming in August 2011 (right before my eating disorder occurred) but I felt I was not eating normal at the time, so I guess my eating disorder had already started by then. I had lost a few pounds, but not much. I was still eating a variety of foods, but not quite as much as before.
In this picture, I this was me at normal weight. A competitive swimmer. Before I lost 23 pounds. (I've gained back about 10 at the moment) Eating whatever I wanted... when I was hungry. My brother had been harassing me about my weight for a long time. It was just starting to bother me. I hadn't really even thought of the idea that if I ate less, I would be skinnier. I didn't even think I could get fat though... when I looked at pictures of me at this time, I thought "If I could just lose weight I'd have more friends. I'd be happier. I'd be prettier. People would like me more. I'd look better in my clothes. I'd have a boyfriend. etc..."
Well, now I realize none of that is true. Losing weight has made me have no friends, always angry and never happy, uglier (in many ways), and I look worse in my clothes (they're practically sliding off of me now).

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