Monday, April 30, 2012

Day 22 - Recovery Challenge

Describe your goals for your future.

I'm glad I get to write about this one. I spend a bunch of my time thinking about my future. Well, based on the plan, and the specific high school I go to, I will already have the first two years of college finished when I graduate high school. After that, I hope to go to the University of Tennessee to finish up college. Then I plan to get a job, I'm interested in Architecture, Interior Design, and Nutrition currently. I want to save up for a nice house,with pretty flowers and an apple tree (I love apples). I hope I will have a very decorated, happy, and colorful house with a great kitchen and a huge closet. Also, I hope that my eating disorder is gone so I can enjoy food in the future, cook, take amazing pictures, travel, make friends, volunteer at an animal shelter, and have a dog. I might get married... but I'm going to be very picky about that, because I don't want to end up unhappy (bad experiences) and I probably wont have kids, but if I did, I would hope it was a girl.

Day 21 - Recovery Challenge

Who has been the biggest contributor of your recovery in your life? Explain.

My mom. She is always there to support me, cheer me up, listen, and help me the best she can. I am so thankful for my mom.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Day 20 - Recovery Challenge

I feel eating disorders have somehow been glamorized. Explain your opinion on this.

Yes, I believe eating disorders have been glamorized. Lots of people have told me that they wish they could trade places with me for a week so they could be skinny. Well, if people really understood what I was going through, NONE of them would want to trade places with me for even a second. A lot of people think that they want an eating disorder to be skinny. They don't, they just want to lose weight. An eating disorder is miserable, and never goes away unless you get some serious counseling. I feel like people need to be educated better about eating disorders. 

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Day 19 - Recovery Challenge

Has your eating disorder ever held you back from something? If so, explain.

Luckily, I haven't had an eating disorder for a really long time, its been less than a year, so I haven't missed out on too much. Now, if my eating disorder continues for years and years, (which I hope it doesn't) I can assure you it would hold me back from numerous events. In the past 8 months, I have missed out on a few things. It has held me back from making friends and having fun. There haven't really been any exciting events in my life in the past eight months that I could have missed out on.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Day 18 - Recovery Challenge

Here’s a challenge. Come up with a hobby you’ve never done or haven’t done in awhile that has NOTHING to do with eating or exercising or cooking. Totally non eating disorder related. What is your hobby? Why did you chose it?

After thinking about it for a while, I chose needlepoint art. My mom can do needlepoint pictures and made a few for when I was a baby (of bears and the alphabet). I thought they look really cool, so I would like her to teach me how to do it sometime.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Day 17 - Recovery Challenge

What does being fat TRULY mean to you?

This one is hard for me to answer. I know most people are expecting some in-depth answer, but to me, being fat means eating more calories than you burn and being overweight. (I would say something like being jiggly, but I know "skinny" people who are jiggly.) And I would say being unsatisfied with the way you look, but even underweight, I still think I'm fat. Maybe it's more of an emotion?

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Day 16 - Recovery Challenge

How would you help a close friend or family member if they developed an eating disorder?

I would make sure they were getting all the medical help they needed. I would willingly offer any kind of help that person needed to make sure they were doing okay. I would do everything I could not to promote an eating disorder... talk about weight, food, negative body images, etc. I would support this person and be there for them if they ever needed to talk. And, I would be willing to make any adjustments/changes to my life if the person needed it.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Day 15 - Recovery Challenge

Post a picture of you before you ever developed an eating disorder. What emotions were you feeling in this picture? Describe your picture.

 This was Spring Break 2011. I was on a Royal Caribbean cruise with my family. My mom and I went to the beach together. We were eating lunch. I don't remember exactly what I got to eat, but it looks like watermelon and a piece of chocolate cake were left on my plate. Of course, I know I ate a lot more than that before this picture was taken. I chose this picture because I know I didn't have any sort of eating disorder at this time.
I was going to pick a picture from my trip to Wyoming in August 2011 (right before my eating disorder occurred) but I felt I was not eating normal at the time, so I guess my eating disorder had already started by then. I had lost a few pounds, but not much. I was still eating a variety of foods, but not quite as much as before.
In this picture, I this was me at normal weight. A competitive swimmer. Before I lost 23 pounds. (I've gained back about 10 at the moment) Eating whatever I wanted... when I was hungry. My brother had been harassing me about my weight for a long time. It was just starting to bother me. I hadn't really even thought of the idea that if I ate less, I would be skinnier. I didn't even think I could get fat though... when I looked at pictures of me at this time, I thought "If I could just lose weight I'd have more friends. I'd be happier. I'd be prettier. People would like me more. I'd look better in my clothes. I'd have a boyfriend. etc..."
Well, now I realize none of that is true. Losing weight has made me have no friends, always angry and never happy, uglier (in many ways), and I look worse in my clothes (they're practically sliding off of me now).

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Day 14 - Recovery Challenge

How do your friends and family feel about your eating disorder?

I don't have very many friends, and only one really knows about it. She doesn't quite understand anything about my eating disorder at all, so sometimes it's frustrating to talk to her, even though I really appreciate her listening to what I have to say. As for my family, my mom is my biggest supporter. She will do pretty much anything for me to recover. She understands it the most. My dad thinks I'm crazy and can't understand why I don't eat. He doesn't have much tolerance for anything. My brother is angry because it takes attention away from his "perfect little life" and people are paying more attention to me. I don't think my dad or brother want to understand my eating disorder or will ever try to understand it. My mom's parents are extremely worried about me. They frequently email and call me to check on me. (Since their daughter had an eating disorder and passed away, I can understand why they are so concerned.) As for my dad's side of the family, they know I have an eating disorder, but they don't bother to spend their time checking up on me. I never talk to them, and they probably all have the same opinion about me that my dad does... that I'm crazy...

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Day 13 - Recovery Challenge

Do you believe you can ever fully recover from an eating disorder? Explain.

I want to believe that I can fully recover. It will take a long time and won't be easy, but I hope I can recover. I think I will be able to eat a variety of foods, but I'm not sure if it's possible for me to ever eat a food without looking at the nutrition facts first. I hope it is possible, and I also hope I will continue to eat healthy foods while also being able to enjoy desserts. But I don't think I will ever be able to stuff my face with desserts like I used to do sometimes. I hope that one day I will be able to look in the mirror without seeing every flaw too.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Day 12 - Recovery Challenge

Post a picture of 1 thing you ate today.

 I had my usual bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. But... I got carried away with my photography so I uploaded a few more pictures of some of what I ate today.
Granny Smith Apple and Kiwi
Kiwis always look amazing when you hold them up to the light.
 I love Chobani Greek Yogurt.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Day 11 - Recovery Challenge

List 10 PHYSICAL features you like about yourself.

1. My teeth (I just got my braces off)
2. My fair skin.
3. My eyes.
4. My hands

Hmmm..... I'm out of things that I like about myself. This shows my confidence...

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Day 10 - Recovery Challenge

Does anyone in your close family have an eating disorder? If so, do you think it had an impact on you developing one?

My aunt, on my mom's side of the family had an eating disorder as an adult, but I don't think it had much impact on me because she died when I was around six years old. I was too young to pay attention to how she ate the few times I saw her. On my dad's side of the family, they are almost all compulsive over-eaters. They become overweight and practically starve themselves to lose it quickly. Then overeat and gain it back right away. They'll eat/snack when they aren't hungry at all. They frequently talk about their weight, diet, and "good/bad food". Technically not an eating disorder, but not a healthy relationship with food. Sometimes I feel that this is what gives me a fear that I might one day have a lack of self control of what I eat and end up overweight.
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